Want to keep learning?

This content is taken from the Colorado State University's online course, Positive Parenting After Separation. Join the course to learn more.

Skip to 0 minutes and 7 seconds Well, welcome Dr. Faw. Thanks for speaking with us today. Thank you for having me. I’m really excited to be here to talk with you. Great. When do you think parents should seek help if they find that they’re getting into this negative communication cycle? Absolutely. So one of the really clear cut signals that parents should seek help is if they find themselves in a place where they feel stuck. If parents are having the same conflict over and over again in these very patterned ways. They’re talking about the same issues, they’re bringing up the same point. It’s really important for parents to get an outside perspective to help them break out of those habits, to get out of that conflict. rut.

Skip to 0 minutes and 41 seconds It’s also really important for parents to seek help if they sort of have some certain conflict behaviors that we know are incredibly damaging. So some of the research by Dr. John Gottman says that there are sort of four really, really bad conflict behaviors that if they are present in a marriage relationship, that does not spell good things for that marriage. And these behaviors are criticism– so if you or your partner are criticizing each other. There’s avoidance or stonewalling, if you shut down from one another in the conflict. There’s expressions of contempt, when you communicate to your partner a sense of moral superiority, or I’m better than you. And the final one is defensiveness.

Skip to 1 minute and 16 seconds So if you assume more of an innocent victim type of role in the conflict. If you have those four behaviors, not good. You should definitely be seeking help. And then, finally, if you find yourself as a parent making those inappropriate disclosures to your children or really using your child as the sounding board for your conflict and for your issues, that’s also a really good moment to recognize that you should probably seek an outside mediator, not your child, somebody separate from your family system, who can give you good insight and information in that conflict.

When should parents seek help?

Conflicts are not always managed well, and it is important to know when to seek outside assistance. In this interview with Dr. Meara Faw, she explains how to know when it is a good time to seek help.

Share this video:

This video is from the free online course:

Positive Parenting After Separation

Colorado State University

Get a taste of this course

Find out what this course is like by previewing some of the course steps before you join: