What makes a good feedback request?

‘Can I get some feedback on this?’ is a very common phrase when seeking feedback, but on its own, it’s not actually very useful.

When someone just asks you for feedback, but doesn’t give any further information, it’s hard to know exactly what they really want.

Do they want you to give them your honest evaluation of their work? Do they want some tips on how to make it better? Or do they want recognition and appreciation of the effort they’ve made?

In their book Thanks for the Feedback, Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen argue that often there is a mismatch between what a feedback seeker wants and what a feedback provider gives, and that this is the cause of much dissatisfaction.

Stone and Heen provide us with a useful framework of three types of feedback we might want to specifically ask for when we seek feedback:

• Evaluation: a judgement about how good our work is, which might be connected to specific criteria or standards
• Coaching: guidance on how we can improve our work
• Appreciation: acknowledgement of the work we have done

If I want appreciation, but you give me evaluation, I’m probably going to be disappointed. And if you give me coaching when what I really want is evaluation, you might be wasting your time.

So next time, instead of, ‘Can I get some feedback on this?’, consider asking for a specific type of information. Your feedback provider probably won’t know the Stone and Heen terms, so be sure to unpack it for them. For example, ‘I’d really like your comments on how this report compares to the standards we are required to demonstrate’ or, ‘I’m struggling with how to make my argument more coherent in the first paragraph and I’d like some tips’.

Reflection

Think back to the last time you sought feedback.

Which of Stone and Heen’s three types of feedback did you want the most? Which of the three did you mostly receive? How satisfied were you with the feedback process?

Share some thoughts in the comments.

References

Stone, D., & Heen, S. (2015). Thanks for the feedback : the science and art of receiving feedback well (even when it is off base, unfair, poorly delivered, and frankly, you’re not in the mood). Penguin Books.