Episode Three
Welcome back to the third instalment of Irene's story
ELAINE: Would you like something to eat, Mum?
TIMOTHY: Have you seen my bloody car keys?
ELAINE: Mum, Mum.
TIMOTHY: I leave them by the door for a reason.
ELAINE: Are you hungry, Mum?
IRENE: Ah.
TIMOTHY: Have you seen my car keys?
ELAINE: No. Have you looked in the last place you had them?
TIMOTHY: Have I looked in the last place? What a stupid thing to say. That’s the first thing I did was look at the place what I’ve left them. They’re not there.
ELAINE: Just trying to be helpful.
TIMOTHY: That’s not helpful.
ELAINE: Well, maybe if you were more careful the next time.
TIMOTHY: What did you say?
ELAINE: Nothing.
TIMOTHY: You did say something. You know where my keys are.
ELAINE: Of course I don’t.
TIMOTHY: Of course you don’t. Well maybe, maybe, she knows where they are. Where are my keys?
ELAINE: Don’t shout at her. Why would she know?
TIMOTHY: You think this is funny? The two of you. Hiding my car keys for a laugh. I’ve got a business meeting. I can’t turn up late and soaked. I’ve got to pull this one off or the whole gig’s off. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t do this anymore.
IRENE: He doesn’t want me here anymore.
ELAINE: Mum.
IRENE: And I want to go somewhere else.
I can pay.
ROSEMARY: You can tell me or you can set there with that face on. It’s your choice. It’s like that, is it? Here, I saw that. It’s not my fault that–
HEATHER: I have to go back to that stupid care home tomorrow.
ROSEMARY: Heather, darling, there’s worse places in the world.
HEATHER: Is there chips for tea?
ROSEMARY: No.
Probably have some at the care home though.
HEATHER: Ah!
[CRYING AND YELLING]
GERRY: I had some spare.
ELAINE: We may not need them.
GERRY: Why not?
ELAINE: You want a coffee, Jer?
GERRY: No, that’s all right. I’ve had two already. Where is she?
ELAINE: Watching the telly. Knitting. Oh do you need a blanket or a scarf? She’s making squares these days. That’s all she can make. So it has to be that shape.
GERRY: I don’t need a scarf or a blanket.
ELAINE: That’s a pity. She’s really chugging the out. And wool’s not cheap, you know.
GERRY: I’m fine. So do I uh? I’ll just, I’ll go and see her.
ELAINE: No, no, Jerry.
GERRY: I thought not. Come on.
ELAINE: It’s eating me up, Jer. She’s in the middle of the night. I’m waking up having nightmares. And when I wake up, she’s thinking there’s intruders in the house, attackers, children.
And why would there be children in the house at 2:00 in the morning?
GERRY: Can a doctor do anything?
ELAINE: For her or for me?
GERRY: You do look knackered.
ELAINE: I am. I’ve been staying off work. I’m scared cause I’ll lose my job.
GERRY: Ach, no, come on.
ELAINE: She’s asked to go.
GERRY: She’s asked to go?
ELAINE: She’s asked to go to a care home and I think she’s right.
GERRY: But–
ELAINE: She sold her house. She’s got the money for it. Tim, well, he’s gone.
GERRY: If she wants to go, I suppose we can’t stop her. Yeah, maybe give it a try.
ELAINE: Jerry, people go into these places to die.
GERRY: No, they don’t. You know that they don’t. You of all the problems that would vanish just like that.
ELAINE: You’re right. I know you’re right. I know you’re right.
IRENE: I need more wool. [LAUGHING]
DONNA: Hello, Heather. Are you ready?
HEATHER: Ready for what?
DONNA: Ready for what may be your biggest challenge yet.
HEATHER: What? What is it?
DONNA: Need you to go for there and try and make sense of them two.
HEATHER: And do what?
DONNA: Get to know them. See how they are. See how they’re doing.
HEATHER: Hannah. Is this a wind up?
HANNAH: No, why would it be? That’s what we do, no?
HEATHER: If it’s what we do, I’ll go and do it.
DONNA: Good luck.
HANNAH: You’ll need it.
BOB: That’s a 13. No, the blue one.
HEATHER: Hi, I’m Heather. [INTERPOSING VOICES] It was the 27.
BOB: See, I told you. Whitfield.
IAIN: Fintry!
BOB: The rail ended numbers in 1992.
HEATHER: I used to get it. My dad lived there.
IAIN: See? Fintry.
BOB: She just said Whitfield
IAIN: The 27 goes to Fintry.
BOB: It’s the 32 goes to Fintry v Stubbs Well.
IAIN: Ah, not if you’re going via Charleston. Then it’s the 17.
BOB: The 17 does not go to Fintry.
IAIN: No, the 27 goes to Fintry.
HEATHER: How are you both?
IAIN: No, tea, thanks.
BOB: Coffee, and can you bring a bus timetable please?
HEATHER: Oh, fine.
What I supposed to do with those two?
DONNA: So, how are they doing?
HEATHER: They’re fine.
DONNA: There you go then.
CLAIRE: Irene, come with me. This is where we spent most of my time. I’ll introduce you to some of the ladies. Have a seat. Hazel, this is Irene. Would you like to have a chat with her about what it’s like to live here?
HAZEL: Oh but I’m not staying. I’m going home. They’re coming to take me away again. And I’m going in a taxi.
CLAIRE: Well, just in the meantime, while you wait. Why don’t you have a chat with Irene? I’ll be back in a minute.
MORAG: It’s a nice hotel. I’m very happy here. Wonderful service. Did you ask for a sea view?
IRENE: No.
HAZEL: Do you like to sing?
Well, we’d like to sing. So, Morag, what song will we sing?
MORAG: How about Rowan Tree?
HAZEL: Rowan Tree. [CLEARS THROAT]
BOTH: (SINGING) Oh, Rowan Tree. Oh, Rowan Tree. Thou’lt aye be dear to me.
Entwined thou art wi’ many ties. O’hame and infancy.
BOB: They’re torturing that cat again.
BOTH: (SINGING) Oh, Rowan Tree.
BOB: Murdered it.
ELAINE: How are you, Mum? Are you feeling settled?
Mum?
IRENE: Fine. I’ve not seen the sea view or the Rowan Tree and I’ve not been on a bus.
ELAINE: Are you all right, Mum?
IRENE: I’m tired. I need to go to bed.
ELAINE: Mum, it’s the morning. You’re just up.
HEATHER: So tell me more about those two.
HAZEL: Two grumpy old men.
MORAG: Those two. I’ll tell you, I wouldn’t have either of them in a lucky bag.
HAZEL: I think that that beard’s got birds nesting it it.
MORAG: Now, my husband, he was a good man. But by God, I wouldn’t have either a them in a lucky bag.
HAZEL: I quite fancy Bob.
HEATHER: Hazel.
HAZEL: He could tickle my fancy.
IAIN: Dad rack it. When’s the pub open? 15 minutes, it’ll be a number 27.
ELAINE: I’m not sure about Mum, Jerry. She’s not herself.
I know, I know. It’s early days I can’t help but worry. It’s waking me up Yeah, bad dreams.
Call me tomorrow. Let me know how she is. Thanks, Jerry.
Welcome back!
Before we get started, let’s see how Irene and Heather are getting on…
This story, all names, characters, and incidents portrayed in this production are fictitious and whilst based on the experiences of real people, no identification with actual persons (living or deceased), places, buildings, and products is intended or should be inferred.
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