Caitlin Dewar (Mentor)
Hello everyone! I am a recent graduate in English Language from the University of Reading.
Location University of Reading
Activity
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Caitlin Dewar (Mentor) replied to John Kingi
Good essay, John!
You have come up with many interesting ideas and you have organised your essay well.
Just make sure your introduction is focused - at the moment you introduce what e-learning is but don't introduce the the essay itself.Nevertheless, you have done very well and I hope you have enjoyed the course.
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Hi Clara, this is a really good essay, you have come up with some very interesting ideas.
Just be careful about the phrases 'from time to time' and 'to sum up' because they sound quite informal. 'Occasionally' and 'In summary' may be a bit more academic. -
Caitlin Dewar (Mentor) replied to Gurneet Kaur
Hi Gurneet. Good essay, it's very well organised.
There are just a couple of things to improve it:
- Make sure you're remembering all prepositions such as 'to' in the phrase "travel to other nations"
- Double check where you are using capital letters, they should only be used at the start of a sentence and for names.
- Always remember to keep your essay... -
Caitlin Dewar (Mentor) made a comment
Hello everyone! There will still be mentors reviewing your essays until the end of this weekend so feel free to keep posting!
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Caitlin Dewar (Mentor) replied to Asha Mahad
Hi Asha, I really enjoyed reading your essay because I love Amsterdam, it is such a wonderful city!
You make really good use of the word count, you have organised your essay well and you have made a lot of good points.
I would say you could work on the introduction because although you introduce Amsterdam well, you don't introduce the essay itself and what... -
Hi Ana, this is a good essay, you have come up with a lot of very interesting ideas.
There's just bit of an issue with the formatting but I don't know if that's just an issue with NoteHub. The ideas of your paragraphs are clearly separated but you need to make sure there is a space between your paragraphs.Well done for your great writing though!
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Since I'm in a good mood, Rupal!
I think your essay is very good, I particularly liked your introduction and the fact that you have supported all of your arguments with lots of evidence.
There's a couple of little things to be careful of, just simple things like writing 'and' rather than using the & symbol.
Also, you have gone over the word count by 100... -
Caitlin Dewar (Mentor) replied to Nidya Caicedo
Some of the mentors are still checking these pages so it is still worth posting it and hopefully we can give you some feedback! :)
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Caitlin Dewar (Mentor) made a comment
Hey guys, here are some of my general tips on how to improve your essays:
- Make sure you remain within the word count for all academic writing you do, for this task the word count is 350 words.
- Always start your paragraphs with a topic sentence. This is a sentence that introduces what your paragraph is about.
- Try to include a mixture of sentence... -
Great essay, Egbe! It is well organised and you have supported your arguments and ideas well with evidence. Just make sure that you add a plural 's' to oversea so that it is 'overseas'. Well done!
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Hi Francisca! At the top of this page there are 3 links to websites where you can post your essay. When you have published your essay, copy the URL in the search bar at the top of the page and post it on here.
I hope that makes sense! -
Hi Omar, I really enjoyed reading your essay since it is well informed and organised well. Your passion for travelling clearly shows and I'm sure you're a man with many good stories to tell!
In order to further improve your essay, here are my suggestions:
- Be careful about overgeneralising and making definite statements. For example the opening sentence... -
Hi Roberto! This is a really good essay as it is organised well, you have come up with several good ideas, you have stayed close to the word count and your academic writing style is great.
There are a few ways to improve it further:
- There are a couple of minor grammar issues - 'Be able to keep..' should be 'Being' and 'teams work' should just be 'team... -
Caitlin Dewar (Mentor) replied to Aram R. Majeed
Thank you, Annie! I hope you find this useful, Aram :)
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I'm really glad to hear this, Sofia! Good luck for all your future academic writing! :)
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Hi Marcelo. If you post your final essay to section 5.8 then hopefully your fellow learners, a mentor or educator can review it. Unfortunately I cannot guarantee this though because there are so many essays posted.
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Caitlin Dewar (Mentor) made a comment
It's great to see so many of you getting useful feedback!
For those of you who have not had any feedback yet or have not had useful feedback then please be a little bit patient, as someone may still review your essay. We understand that not everyone engages fully in the peer review process (although we try to encourage it the best we can but it can!) but it...
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Hi Abduallh. I'm not able to give feedback to your previous essay but if you post your final essay in section 5.8 then hopefully a mentor will be able to review it. However, I'm afraid I can't guarantee this because there are so many learners and only a few mentors.
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Caitlin Dewar (Mentor) replied to Annie Masauki
Hi Annie, this is a very interesting essay, I like your choice of topic.
In order to improve it, I would suggest the following things:
- In your introduction try to explain what you mean by 'efficient'.
- Also try to work on your academic style and remaining impersonal, particularly avoid pronouns such as 'I' 'we' and 'you'.
- Make sure you support all... -
Caitlin Dewar (Mentor) replied to Aram R. Majeed
Hi Annie and Constantin, could you possibly explain some of the mistakes so Aram knows what to improve on?
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Caitlin Dewar (Mentor) replied to Alex Santana
Really good essay, Alex! You have come up with very interesting ideas and you use supporting evidence really well.
Ways to improve:
- Possibly reorganise your first sentence as it might sound better, "...is one of the main concerns for people in Spain." And also remember to include what kind of crisis you are discussing, e.g. an economic crisis.
- The... -
Caitlin Dewar (Mentor) replied to david kessel
Hi David! This is a very good, well thought-out essay. You have organised your writing very well and explain your topic excellently, supporting all of your arguments with evidence.
There are a couple of ways to improve it, such as the following:
- Your opening sentence is very long so perhaps try to rewrite it or split it into two shorter sentences.
-... -
Caitlin Dewar (Mentor) made a comment
Well done everyone for working so hard on the course. It has been a pleasure to work with you and I wish you all the best for the future!
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Caitlin Dewar (Mentor) made a comment
It's great to see so many of you getting useful feedback!
For those of you who have not had any feedback yet or have not had useful feedback then please be a little bit patient, as someone may still review your essay. We understand that not everyone engages fully in the peer review process (although we try to encourage it the best we can but it can!) but it...
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Thank you, Egbe for your help! It's very kind of you!
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Ah I see, thanks Misha! However, it would still be useful to post the URL here where there might be more chances to get feedback :)
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I think it would probably be best to use the essay form that the course suggests to practice and then learn what you learn to help you write your proposal :)
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Good essay, Enam - I'm guessing you have done a lot of travelling yourself?
The main thing you could improve on is your formality when writing. You are clearly passionate about the topic and sometimes you sound quite poetic and personal rather than formal and academic. For example you wrote, ' Many people travel to a certain place and then they fall in love... -
Hi Nataliia, it looks like your essay has been cut off. Have you tried writing it in a separate place and posting the URL instead?
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Caitlin Dewar (Mentor) replied to Gabi Frost
Hi Gabi, I enjoyed reading your essay, I think you have chosen a very interesting topic.
In order to improve it further, I would recommend the following things:
- Make sure you stay within the word count - your essay should be about 350 words whereas yours is roughly 470.
- Try to link your first and second paragraphs to stress more to keep the essay... -
Hi Anna! Thanks for your feedback! Did you post your final essay to step 5.8 because that is where the mentors and educators are able to review and provide feedback.
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Have you tried posting the URL to your essay?
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Hi Heidi! The first draft of your essay will be peer reviewed only and then you have the opportunity to post your final essay in 5.8. The mentors and educators try to read as many as they can and provide feedback but unfortunately we are unable to read them all due to the high volume of essays we receive!
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Caitlin Dewar (Mentor) replied to Saja ...
No problem, Saja! :)
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Hi Sofia, interesting essay.
Make sure your essay title is as clear as it can be, for example I would add "for people to learn" at the end just to clarify what your essay will be about.You have used the word count well which is excellent but there are some ways you could improve the essay:
- Your paragraphs have good topic sentences but are very short so... -
Caitlin Dewar (Mentor) replied to Liu Wenhui
Hi Liu, I enjoyed reading your essay and thought it was a very interesting topic.
The things I thought you did well:
- Your introduction is good, it introduces renewable energy well.
- There were some good linking words such as, 'In addition'.Things to improve on:
- Try to expand your paragraphs more so that you are using up more of the word count. For... -
Caitlin Dewar (Mentor) replied to doaa mostafa
There has been an error with your pastie link, Doaa. Can you try to post it again?
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I'm glad you have found the course useful, Aracel. It still might be a good idea to post your essay here because you might receive some more feedback from your fellow learners or from the mentors.
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Caitlin Dewar (Mentor) replied to Sosefo Holani
It is also worth mentioning that pastie allows you to use the whole 350 words to write your essay whereas this forum only lets you write comments with 1200 characters.
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Caitlin Dewar (Mentor) made a comment
Well done everyone for working so hard on the course. It has been a pleasure to work with you and I wish you all the best for the future!
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Hi Laide, please try not to single out individual learners, I'm sure Nu was not trying to offend you or insult your writing. The peer review process allows individuals to give their own suggestions, which explains why the two reviews you had back were so different. It is then your decision to take the advice or not.
I have not managed to read your essay... -
Have these reviews given you any ideas to help you improve your essay, Laide?
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Thank you, Patricia, and good luck with your academic writing in the future! :)
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I'm sorry about the lack of feedback, Kim. We are trying to get learners to engage in the peer review process more thoroughly.
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Sorry to hear that, Arjeta. We do try to encourage everyone in to engage in the peer review process but unfortunately this is not always successful. Hopefully you will receive more feedback on your final essay.
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Caitlin Dewar (Mentor) replied to María Vega
Great essay plan, María, I love the Canary Islands!
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Good plan, Arturo!
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This is a good plan, Durvaldo. Just make sure that when you write the essay you remain impersonal and objective.
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Caitlin Dewar (Mentor) replied to Yifan Sun
Hi Yifan, try to give more detailed essay plan using the example at the top of the page as guidance.
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Hi Khalid. Could you expand on your plan using the example one at the top of this page as guidance? The more you plan, the easier it will be to write your essay.
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Hi Antonio, this looks like a complicated essay. What is your title going to be?
You have to be careful to maintain focus throughout, so for example rather than explain what education and peace are you will need to explain WHY one promotes the other. -
Hi Arturo, this is an interesting topic and good plan.
However, your first paragraph should be included in the introduction because it describes what chess is, but not why it is popular, which is what your essay is focusing on. -
Caitlin Dewar (Mentor) replied to Win Phyo
Hi Win, what is your essay title?
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Looks like a really good plan, Aleksandra! Just make sure you stick to the word count when you write the essay, it should be about 350 words.
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Caitlin Dewar (Mentor) replied to Ali Koder
Hi Ali, could you try to make your plan a bit clearer? Try to include a main body explanation for each paragraph :)
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Hi Luciana, good plan but I'm not really understanding the difference between paragraph 1 and paragraph 2. Could you try to make this clearer?
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Caitlin Dewar (Mentor) replied to Kate Khawar
Hi Kate, this looks like a mini attempt at writing the essay itself. Can you write a plan using following the same style as the example essay above? This will then allow us to give feedback on what you should or should not include in your final essay. :)
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Caitlin Dewar (Mentor) replied to Niem Vu
Is this your general outline for your essay, Niem?
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Caitlin Dewar (Mentor) replied to 高 燕
Interesting topic and your ideas are good.
However, you need to remember what the focus of your essay is. Your title explains that your essay will explain WHY obesity is an epidemic illness, therefore paragraph 2 and 3 are relevant but paragraph 1 is not. Paragraph 1 explains the problems of obesity but not why obesity is occurring. Therefore, everything that... -
Hi Carolina, good topic and good ideas.
I think it might be worth combining your 3 paragraphs into 2 paragraphs - one about the health benefits to the body and one about the beauty benefits. Otherwise I think you risk repeating some of your ideas - what do you think? -
Caitlin Dewar (Mentor) replied to Willa Lin
Excellent plan, Willa, well done! Just make sure that when you write the essay you write about Guangzhou as if you did not live there. You must try and be as objective and impersonal as possible.
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Caitlin Dewar (Mentor) replied to Saja ...
Hi Saja, the order of your title is slightly muddled, it should be, "Why do people not like to read?" Also, the title is slightly subjective so it would be better to put a quantifier in like 'some' or many' - e.g. "Discuss the reasons why many people do not like to read."
Good plan though! -
Caitlin Dewar (Mentor) replied to Halim Heravie
Good title and good plan, Halim!
Paragraph 1 and Paragraph 3 look like they could be quite similar so make sure you're very clear about each paragraph by including topic sentences.
Also, when making your prediction it might be worth giving a counter argument as well to show that you understand the whole topic. For example, explaining that some villages may... -
Good topic to focus on, Claudia.
The main ideas in your plan are good but when you write the essay be sure to remain impersonal by avoiding pronouns such as 'I' 'we' and 'you'.
For example, rather than saying "You'll have more energy" it will be better to say, "It has been found that people who exercise frequently have more energy than people who do not." -
Interesting plan, Yasmina, what was your original essay question?
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Hi Peter, interesting topic, I hadn't realised an African country had never won the World Cup!
This is a good plan, just be careful with paragraph 2, make sure you are linking your ideas directly to African football teams and not football teams in general. -
Caitlin Dewar (Mentor) replied to Nidya Caicedo
Interesting ideas, Nidya. Just remember that when writing academically you have to remain impersonal so rather than discussing 'our lives' it will be better to say 'peoples lives'.
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Caitlin Dewar (Mentor) replied to Yukie Kubo
Great essay plan, Yukie!
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Caitlin Dewar (Mentor) replied to 海菲 吴
I really like your topic and I think this is a really good essay plan.
The main thing you will have to be careful about is defining a 'healthy diet' as there are many conflicting ideas as to what this means. Just try to define it in your opening paragraph.
This also links into your first paragraph. Try to remember that just because someone eats healthier,... -
Caitlin Dewar (Mentor) made a comment
A good way to give helpful feedback:
Leave a comment on your fellow learners paragraph and using the headings we've looked at: CONTENT, ORGANISATION and LANGUAGE - write one thing they did well and one thing they could improve on in each of these areas. -
Caitlin Dewar (Mentor) replied to 子琪 郭
I'm glad you find my comments useful! It's great to see you progressing :)
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That's what I like about the course, everyone learns things one step at a time and at their own pace :)
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Caitlin Dewar (Mentor) replied to Radia B
Don't worry, Radia, it is just to help you practice. You're correct in that the task did only ask you to write a paragraph so it was only a suggestion to make your paragraph slightly longer with more details. :)
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Hi Anasabrina, this is a really good paragraph.
You focus a lot on the employment benefits in the city and describe these well but they you summarise education and leisure in two sentences at the end. Try to expand on these ideas as well! :) -
Caitlin Dewar (Mentor) replied to aidan woo
You have come up with some good ideas, Aidan.
Just try to link some of your sentences together so that your paragraph reads more smoothly and sounds more academic. For more help with this, try to look back at the last few activities in Week 3 about sentence structures. -
Caitlin Dewar (Mentor) replied to 子琪 郭
Good paragraph, you have come up with many ideas and have supported them well.
Just remember to remain impersonal when writing academically, for example you should avoid pronouns such as 'I' 'we' and 'you'. You should also write about Beijing as if you do not live there, so try to avoid saying 'here'. -
Caitlin Dewar (Mentor) replied to Valérie J
Hi Valérie, this is a good short paragraph but it would be good to expand on your ideas some more. First, discuss the weather, then the activities you can do (such as go to the beach) rather than try to explain them together.
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Caitlin Dewar (Mentor) replied to Radia B
Good paragraph, Radia, but try and expand on some of your ideas. For example, discuss some of the leisure activities.
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Great paragraph, Nikole. It's really interesting that you've focused on the topic of universities in Bogota, I can't believe there are so many!
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Good paragraph, Luis, you describe Quito very well!
In the last section, make sure all names, including names of places, have capital letters - suchs as Ecuadorians, Europeans and Amercian. -
Your first essay doesn't need to be perfect, Halyna! You just need to try your best and then you will receive feedback on how to improve.
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What do you mean by your academic proposal, Judite?
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Well I'm glad you've cleared this up!
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Caitlin Dewar (Mentor) replied to Dominic Kweme
You've made some great changes and your paragraph is now a lot clearer, well done!
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The most important punctuation to use when writing academically are:
Fullstops . To end sentences.
Commas , for lists and to give slight pauses in sentences.
"quote marks" if you ever directly quote a different source.
For details on how to use colons : and semi-colons ; I would look for some explanations on the internet because it's quite tricky to... -
Caitlin Dewar (Mentor) made a comment
Hello everyone!
In Week 5 you are going to have to give feedback on one anothers essay so I would recommend that you start practicing now!
To give effective feedback, I would read through the paragraph a couple of times and then write a comment explaining what you like about the paragraph and also one way they could improve it. Think about things like:... -
Caitlin Dewar (Mentor) replied to Safa Tawfik
Great paragraph, Safa, but try to be a bit more formal and impersonal.
For example, rather than saying 'to sum up' consider writing 'In summary' or 'To summarise'.
Also you might want to change your last sentence so that you don't address your reader. -
Caitlin Dewar (Mentor) replied to Dominic Kweme
Hi Dominic, good paragraph but just try to be clearer about why you are writing about Kakata. Is your paragraph about why people visit it or why people live there? Try to make this obvious with a topic sentence.
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Good start, Abdalla, but can you still and expand on this and discuss some of your ideas as to why people visit Aba Island? Remember that all names start with a capital letter, including the river Nile.
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Interesting paragraph, Patricia, I like that you have included a good topic sentence.
One thing to improve on would be to link some of your sentences because at the moment there are many short sentences which don't flow as easily. -
Caitlin Dewar (Mentor) replied to Nadya Tjindra
Hi Nadya, this is a good start but I think you still need to work on your academic style.
In Week 4 there are exercises on making general claims rather than being too specific, which I think you will benefit from.
For example you could change your third sentence to, "However, even though the city is crowded, many people still choose to spend their free time... -
This is a lovely paragraph, Aneta, you have described Łódź very well.
Just be careful about remaining impersonal - you should avoid all pronouns such as 'I' 'we' and 'you' and also avoid saying phrases such as 'this place'. Try to write about Łódź as if you did not live there.
Also in your third sentence you should replace the word 'that' with 'why'. -
Caitlin Dewar (Mentor) replied to Dominika Micał
Really good paragraph, Dominika!
You are mostly excellent at remaining impersonal but just watch out for phrases such as 'here' and 'in this city' which give away that you are talking about the city you live in. Try to write about the city as if you did not live there yourself. -
Caitlin Dewar (Mentor) made a comment
As many of you have pointed out - organisation is key when writing an academic essay! :)
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What aspect do you find most difficult about writing, Andulelah? Is it vocabulary, grammar, sentence structure, organising your ideas or something else?
Just practice each part one at a time and slowly you will build up better skills. -
Good paragraph, Katarzyna, well done!
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Excellent paragraph, Alexander! You describe many aspects of Kyiv well and you also link all of your ideas together with great academic vocabulary, well done!
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Hi Corentin, you describe Paris very well and I certainly enjoyed my visit when I went there.
I like that you have focused on the two main reasons why people visit there and you have expanded on these points.
I would, however, suggest that you work on your formality when writing academically. Try to avoid the use of exclamation marks and also more informal... -
Caitlin Dewar (Mentor) replied to Nicolo Riggio
Good short paragraph, Nicolo! Make sure you introduce your town in the first sentence and also try and expand on some of your ideas. Perhaps describe some of the most popular sports.
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Good paragraph, João, you've described the issues of living in Rio very well.
The main way to improve it would be to work on some of the sentence structures. For example your first sentence is very long so I would suggest turning it into two shorted sentences.
