Labelling children

Child care author Tina Bruce says never call a child ‘naughty’. Well, I’m sure we’ve all caught ourselves out at some point calling a child naughty, or shy, or silly, or even clever, or bright. Is it really such a terrible thing? In this step, we asked James Nottingham to tell us why calling a child naughty, and labelling children in general, can be harmful. Calling a child ‘naughty’ is a label. It is particularly damaging because it’s a negative label. But even a positive label, such as ‘good boy’ or ‘good girl’, can actually be problematic because it disempowers the child. So if you were to call me sexist. That’s a negative, of course it’s a negative. And actually my defences might go up.

And I might say “oh no, I’m not sexist. You don’t know me, I’ve never been sexist in my life.” But if you were to say “James that was a sexist thing to say.” Then I’m much more likely to go “OK I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that.” And then I can change. And that’s the important thing. That if we call a child ‘naughty’, and they hear it often enough, it almost becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. And the child starts to believe I’m a naughty person. And then that becomes an excuse for behaviours. So, well I broke that, or I hit that person, or I did that bad thing, because I’m naughty, that’s just what I do.

Whereas if we label the action as ‘naughty’, or incorrect, or conversely, ‘good’ or positive, then that’s a very good thing, because it gives that child the sense of OK, that’s my action and I can change it. So, I can take that naughty action and I can turn it into a good thing. And I can influence it. And that’s really important. We need to empower children so that they know that they are in control of their own actions. That they are in control of their own destiny.